Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
so that wasnt chicken after all
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
