and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
