Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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