I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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