I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
