he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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