I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The adults are the big ones right?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
