Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
