maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
