She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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