who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
