I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
