Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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