oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
