Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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