Define "chronic" masturbator.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
