im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
