Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
