He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
