dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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