How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
