Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
