im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
