highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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