On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Your cock deserves a montage
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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