My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
