Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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