I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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