So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
