you have to choose: penises or morals?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
