Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
