I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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