weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
