You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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