I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
