im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The struggles of a small town man whore
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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