We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
