Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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