i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
