Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
