sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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