She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
