Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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