I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
