Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
