Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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