i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
