I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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