I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Randomize
