okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Randomize
