I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Why can't burritos get me drunk
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Pants are for mortals
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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